deep from moi heart

If i say that i no longer love you , If i say that i no longer need you

Are those things even true?

When i say that i'm ok , When i say that i'm still gay

Are those actually what i want to say?

For i thought that you no longer in my heart

For i thought that we are leagues apart

If ever those are true why am i keep thinking of you?

People say that i'm tough being able to free of miseries' handcuff

But was that ever enough?

Thought that this matter that i have master

Why in words that i mutter brings me closer to suffer?

Why is it feels bitter in my taste whenever i see your face

In facebook or google ?

Why do i felt staggered by my heart and to feel twisted in my gut

Whenever i realize you no longer a part?

They say that this happen for a reason but why is my heart is still bleeding?

They say that this is part of a test but why am i wearing happiness as a mask?

I'm still alive but I'm barely breathing

Just prayed to a God that I don't believe in

'Cause I got time while he got freedom

'Cause when a heart breaks, no it don't breakeven

His best days will be some of my worst

he finally met a girl that's gonna put him first

While I'm wide awake he's no trouble sleeping

What am I suppose to do when the best part of me was always you

What am I suppose to say when I'm all choked up and you're okay

I'm falling to pieces

They say bad things happen for a reason

But no wise words gonna stop the bleeding

'Cause he's moved on while I'm still grieving

One's still in love while the other one's leaving

You got her heart and my heart and none of the pain

You took your suitcase, I took the blame

Now I'm tryna make sense of what little remains, oh

'Cause you left me with no love and no love to my name

In my every turn and in corners

Your halo felt nothing more than tortures

Though i seem like to take no bother

Deep in my heart it screams for us to be together

But it is not something i can do in instance

For fear of cold acceptance and fear of creating disturbance

and that is why i'm keeping a safe distance

Even as my heart throb in pain and agony

And my mind struggles to stay in sanity

But i know that now you are happy

That this is the best to keep you out of misery

Can we pretend that airplanes in the night skies are like shooting stars

I could really use a wish right now, a wish right now, a wish right now

And i could really use a wish right now to be back on my feet somehow

For even all that i did I felt my life is like shit

One wish is all i ever need to make me you're mine again

And in my wish i would wish for

O' God please open the door

And to continue that verse i would say

Please by my side let him stay

If he left for my ignorant cleanse my soul from such arrogant

If he left for my retarded figure grant me the best feature

Or if he felt that my love is fake

Let him know that my love for him will never break

I love you I hate you

I no longer know which one is true

But one thing for sure

I can never live without you

o' god . please make him stay .

or even if he doesn't , tell me how he's doing with his new life .

and i hope he's doing even better without me beside him .

yes iloveyou still